It’s ironic, but I wrote all of this in December before I had the faintest idea I had cancer. I’ve felt that way about many things - my body and mind have prepared me for this battle for a while. I know what I need, how to hold my center, and how to fight. I can light up any dark alley.
I’m treating this as my north star as I start to undergo chemo, radiation, and other treatments. I’ve already created a new nest here in New York, prepared my activity zones based on needs and energy levels, and taken to screaming into a pillow first thing in the morning to release all the pains of being human. Sometimes, all we can do is breathe, and that’s okay, too.
I’ve lived with a nervous system in overdrive for most of my life. And thus, for better or worse, I’ve tried it all. I think it’s a bit of a mindset shift - moving from being reactive towards life versus letting life live through you. Life is fundamentally better when you’re not in a state of stress, fear, or panic. Life shifts when you pull your nature forward without pushing yourself into the world. I’ve realized that any attempt to accelerate things is flawed: you can only live at the speed that life lets you.
Think of it like a flow state. I am intensely focused on living according to my values and my truth because my body and soul know where I need to go. It’s my practice of quieting my mind, fears, and need for control.
My core mantra is to ‘live softly’. Living softly isn’t about letting go of ambition or success. It’s about realizing that softness itself is power. It’s about trading control for flow, allowing yourself to tap into an endless energy well. When you’re calm and aligned, everything shifts. Colors seem brighter. Challenges feel smaller. You are in creation mode, not reaction mode. The world is a default “yes” to you - anything you’ve ever dreamt of is possible. You can objectively see the challenges before you without fear or clouded judgment. You don’t need to force your way, your path unfolds before you.
Multi-Dimensional Rest
When I was younger, I thought exhaustion was purely physical. However, I’ve realized over time that exhaustion and burnout are multi-dimensional and, thus, require a multi-pronged and multi-sensory approach to cure them. I’ve always loved the Traditional Chinese Medicine approach - the body is a tapestry of interconnected and woven parts.
We are conscious minds in physical machines of bodies. And like any machine, we require fuel to run and regular maintenance checks. If you’re completely exhausted, you may have too much energy or not enough, you may have a system imbalance, you may need a tune-up. I’ve gotten better at discerning ‘what I need’ over time, but I’ve found that starting with a little bit of everything helps initially. To reset completely, you need them all:
Knowing my body, I’ve found that my nerves and energy exist on a spectrum. When I am riled up, it is difficult for me to get to a state of zen calm without expending some energy first. It’s a see-saw, a balancing act - there are shortcuts to get me to immediate calmness, but they don’t last without holistically thinking about the overall energy in my system. I view it all almost like a purge, an energetic cleanse. There are two key steps to my process.
Step 1: Shift my energy flow, release, and let go of anything I hold onto.
A few general takeaways:
- I’m a massive advocate of acupuncture. I do it every week (my insurance covers it), and it helps me recalibrate. There are multiple ways to evoke a sedentary and calming response via triggering the vagus nerve, and they will also have suggestions of longer-term treatments and herbs you can take to maintain a status quo.
- I’d recommend asking for diet recommendations based on your deficiencies. Shifting my diet to warmer foods and moving away from cold water to tea made a huge difference.
- Cold water cures all. If you’re having a panic attack, fill a sink with cold water and ice and dunk your head in it. For regular maintenance, I recommend contrast therapy. Rotate between a sauna and a cold plunge if you have both available. You need to be in each long enough to feel constriction and then expansion - you may feel a little itchy, but that’s normal. If that’s not available, fill a bathtub with ice and water. And then there’s always the biggest bathtub of all - the ocean.
- Art is an important outlet. I approach this in a couple of different ways depending on what I’m craving:
- To access a meditative state, I like origami or embroidery. I get myself to a flow state - focusing on the task. Puzzles or paint-by-numbers are great for this, too.
- To release tension, I’ll use paint or charcoal or whatever I have on hand. I tense up my body as much as possible, usually thinking about whatever is upsetting me or I need to let go of. I hold it for as long as I can - usually 3-5 seconds - and then channel that tension into energy that I use to draw a line or a mark on the page. It’s not a drawing of anything per say, it’s just an abstract articulation of energy that has been stored in me that needs to be released.
- Try moving slower. Do everything you’re doing at half speed. Take a breath before reading any texts/emails or replying. Take small sips and chew each bite 50 times before swallowing. Move very intentionally.
- If something bothered me earlier in the day or I’m upset and have a difficult time returning to my core, I try two techniques:
- I grab a pillow and scream into it repeatably until I feel the tension releasing
- I take a big breath through my nose and imagine I’m breathing in anger or tension, I hold it, I breath out golden light
- I love to pull oracle cards whenever I’m not sure of my way. They’re like the gateway drug to Tarot. Just shuffle the deck, think, ‘What would my spirit like me to know?’, and pull a random card.
- I am a massive proponent of psychedelic modalities for physical and psychological healing. This being said, this is a controversial opinion, but I do not think marijuana supports nervous system healing. Anything that numbs you - alcohol, marijuana, some anti-depressants - can be beneficial to a point, but it limits one's ability to feel the full range of human emotion.
- I cannot stress this enough - you may not get what you want out of a psychedelic experience if you do not take proper care to set your intention before going in and take time to integrate and incorporate anything that comes up after.
- I’m religious and love rituals, but I find one (regardless of your belief) to be very powerful: letting go of whatever you’re holding onto and filling that space with what you want in your life. I do this in a couple of ways:
- Fire ceremonies: I like to write everything I want to release on one side of paper and then the opposite (everything I want to fill its place) on the other. I then make a fire and read both sides out loud before burning it.
Step 2: Deep Nervous System Nourishment
For this next step, nourishing and strengthening the nervous system, I am cognizant of all stimuli, inputs, and outputs in my space. I go through a checklist of sensations - sound, smell, visuals, taste, touch - to tune myself to my optimal state.
Shift what you listen to:
- Music is one of the best tools to support shifting your state. My optimal relaxation zone is best paired with music at around 40-60 BPM. Brian Eno, Erik Satie, Aphex Twin, Lampert, Iron and Wine, or medicine music always hits the spot for me. When in doubt, I go for ambient or acoustic.
- Biologically, the sound of birds promotes nervous system relaxation by signaling safety. Water sounds - foundations, ocean waves - are deeply soothing.
Shift your visual space:
- Shifting your lighting is one of the fastest ways to calm your system. I find it soothing to turn off all artificial lights and sit in candlelight (or a fire).
- Nothing calms me down faster than being near or looking at nature - I love being surrounded by plants or flowers. Sitting by a window and looking at nothing but the microscope movements of nature - trees waving in the wind, birds flying, clouds rolling in - is deeply soothing for me.
- I’m a huge proponent of my weighted eye mask or steam eye masks.
Shift your aromatic space:
- Scent is one of the most potent yet underrated tools for relaxation. I’m admittedly still early in my aromatherapy discovery, but I know there are certain scents that always calm me down. I use these in candles, incense, and sprays.
- To relax myself, I like lavender.
- To ground myself, I like sandalwood, agarwood and japanese cedar.
- To calmly elevate myself, I like jasmine or grapefruit scents.
- If I’m upset about something or want to release something from my life, I usually sage myself (light sage and wave it around me with a feather) and my home. I typically do this in parallel with my fire ceremonies.
Cocoon yourself:
- Put on your snuggliest and comfiest clothes. I am a huge proponent of flowy clothes, cashmere, silks, nothing tight. Wear a hood or cover your head with a scarf if you want to retreat.
- I can’t recommend weighted blankets highly enough.
- I like to be lightly warm to relax - not hot enough to be sweaty, but warm where you feel calm.
- I’d recommend optimizing spaces in your home to enable you to relax. Ideally, you have somewhere to go other than your bed. The optimal situation would be a couch or cushions where you can comfortably lie down with a throw blanket and adjustable lighting.
Nourish yourself:
- What you eat also plays a factor. I’m wary of giving specific directions here because our bodies are different. I found following an Ayurvedic and Zen Macrobiotic diet has worked for me. I generally am vegetarian, but I will eat fish or chicken if I’m craving animal proteins.
- I try to avoid restrictive ways of thinking - I can eat whatever I want whenever I want to - but try to check in multiple times a day regarding what my body needs.
- If I’m feeling out of sorts, I focus on foods that bring me back to being a child. Think super simple to digest, no salt, ayurvedic spices, very basic. I like oatmeal (with a splash of cinnamon) and turmeric ginger carrot butternut squash soup.
- I snack a lot when I’m anxious. I’ve been able to shift this behavior a little by heavily prioritizing meal times whenever I’m under a lot of stress. II make a big point of ritualizing it - making a beautiful breakfast, lunch, and dinner for myself, setting the table, lighting candles etc. It doesn’t need to take longer than 20 minutes, but it makes a big difference for me.
- Rice is also very grounding. It’s a Zen Macrobiotic practice to fast on brown rice. I’ve done it for five days - it helped with weight loss, too, but primarily to help me reset.
- Depending on how you cook rice, GABA (Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid - it helps with mental focus, anxiety, sleep quality and mood) is naturally produced.
- I drink a lot of tea and lukewarm water. It comes from two things: 1) I don’t drink, 2) I realized from acupuncture that my body functions better with warm substances.
- My go-to's are chai rooibos, turmeric ginger, barley, or mint.
A few of my favorite nervous system nourishing things:
- [Weighted eye mask](https://nodpod.com/products/nodpod?variant=44056904368298)
- [Eye masks with steam](https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Compress-Sleeping-Christmas-Unscented/dp/B07L9YL7NX)
- [Crystal-filled (I know) weighted blanket](https://sundaycitizen.co/products/snug-crystal-weighted-blanket?variant=39678119116898)
- [Jade-filled infrared heating mat](https://a.co/d/iJY8lTf)
- [My favorite tea](https://clubmagichour.com/?twsource=google&twadid=650464318290&tw_campaign=14078645993)
- [The best teapot for loose tea](https://www.keiko.de/en/glass-teapot-with-strainer-lid.-450-ml/42207.1)
- [GABA rice](https://www.amazon.com/Koshihikari-Premium-Sprouted-2-2-Pound-Pouches/dp/B003ZXCE7G)
- [White noise machine](https://getsnooz.com/products/snooz-white-noise-machine)
- [My oracle card deck](https://www.spirit-speak.com/product-page/iris-oracle-deck)
And finally, don’t forget to take a deep breath 💗:
Continuing to write through my cancer journey for my sanity. Follow along (for free).
